The Ozone May Melt Your Face Today

Share

Rise and shine, DC! No need to microwave your lunch today—just leave your Lean Cuisine outside for about ten minutes and that giant hole in the ozone that is leaking 70-degree radiation in February should heat that puppy up in no time.

Groundbreaking: President Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and Phylicia Rashad attended a groundbreaking ceremony yesterday morning on the National Mall as work started on the forthcoming Smithsonian National Museum for African American History and Culture. It was the first time the trio had been together since Saturday…


Kindergarteners, Prepare Your No 2 Pencils: DC officials are planning to introduce assessment tests for kindergarteners. The idea, explains the Washington Examiner, is to label four and five-year-olds as “below basic” and “advanced” within the first six weeks of the start of the school year. Previously, students were labeled as such based only on whether or not they ate glue.

George Huguely: Nearly two years after he kicked down her bedroom door, wrestled with her, and slammed her head into a wall, George Huguely was convicted by a jury yesterday of second-degree murder and sentenced to 26 years in prison for the death of Yeardley Love. The verdict made national headlines yesterday and was displayed on the homepages of CNN, USA Today, and the New York Times.

Javaris Crittenton: The former Washington Wizard is back in jail after refusing to get out of his Porsche after being pulled over for speeding.

Cat Fight: Last night’s GOP debate in Arizona saw the claws come out as Mitt and Rick took back-and-forth swipes at one another. At one point, the former Pennsylvania senator compared Mittstopher to Michael Dukakis, and, are we crazy, or did he borrow a line from Chris Rock’s standup routine?…
“Yes, you balanced the budget for four years, off a constitutional requirement to balance the budget for four years. No great shakes,” said Santorum. “I’d like to see it federally. But don’t go around bragging about something you have to do. ”